Witnesses Testify That Obama NOT Natural-Born [Satire]

Today the Supreme Court heard conflicting testimony as to the real circumstances of the birth of Barack Obama, the president-elect. While official documents state that Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii as a result of a normal birth to a mortal human, witnesses gave sworn testimony to a decidedly unnatural birth. Several testified that they saw the baby Barack pulled from a woven basket found drifting in the reeds along the Nile River. Hard evidence is lacking, as the basket (and its DNA cargo) no longer exists. The Nile River is in Africa, and this implies that Obama was not born in the United States and is therefore ineligible to serve in the office of president. The implications of this testimony are obvious. Yet other witnesses state that he sprang from the head of Zeus, fully formed as an adult. The witnesses were administered Breathalyzer tests, which most of them passed. Because there were still three witnesses whose stories corroborated each other's, the tale cannot be summarily dismissed. The absence of records by an attending physician complicates the court case. Unimpeachable sources have been hard to come by in this controversy. He may as well have sprung from the ocean foam like Venus, aka Aphrodite. That was another famous and legendary birth not attended by a physician. There were also rumors of witnesses claiming that the birth of Obama was heralded by a huge star in the firmament, which led three Wise Men to a stable in Nazareth, but no credence was given to such outlandish claims. Was Barack Obama born to his alleged mother Stanley Ann, or was he delivered to the world by extraordinary means not usual among mere mortals? Could Obama really be The One? Inquiring minds want to know. (This has been SATIRE. This is NOT a real news report.)